she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
