I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
