Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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