Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
