Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
