So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
