I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
