also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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