super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
