So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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