I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
