Need sex. Gaining weight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
