I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
should my penis look like a turkey
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
