you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
