That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it glows. i had to have it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
