Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
