i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Jerry, you need to find god
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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