Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
