I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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