She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
