why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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