She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
