So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
