so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
