At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
