I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
