I'm eating all of the evidence.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
