I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
