I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
