why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
