you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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