what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
