So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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