I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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