We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
