Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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