going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
