shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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