Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
