Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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