remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize