Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
