This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
