Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
