I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
