I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
