Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
