why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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