I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
