I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
