dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
