At least make sure they are 18
Why
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
