Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize