Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
