Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
