I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
