I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
a search helicopter?!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
