I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
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So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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