and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
