ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.