Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
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And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
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You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao