I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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