If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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