I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.