Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
