dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
