1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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