can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
