her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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