is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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