I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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