I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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