Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
pray to the hookup gods
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize