Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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