So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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