positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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