fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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