I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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