Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
