This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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