So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
