if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
